I watched the movie last Sunday, because I was curious. Haha. I've been playing its PS2 video game for almost a month now and I love it, even though it's really giving me bad headaches. So, one day, when I wasn't doing anything, I thought of watching the movie. And, it actually made me cry, especially at the last part. The part where the title card with the quote above was shown. I never knew that an animated movie would hit me hard. I was actually expecting its message to be more family-related. Well, I guess it is. But, it touched me in every way.

It made me feel guilty. I don't know why. Maybe because I knew that it was meant for me?But, whatever it is, I'm sure this wasn't a coincidence. After all, everything happens with and for a reason.

Anyway, I actually forgot the reason why I am writing this. All I'm saying is, I guess I'm just tired of this, and I really can't find the reasons why I'm hanging on, so I guess I'm just going to let it go. Why prolong the agony? Besides, I don't want this to ruin my life. Again.

I just really hope that this will be the last time that I'll be dealing with this. Like what Walt Disney said, we don't look backwards for very long. I guess that the whole movie was my cue.
And that actually made me smile. It gave me a spark of hope that maybe it's okay after all, that I'd be okay. Happiness is a choice after all. :) How can I not be happy with my life right now? I have every reason to. For one, I'm with my family. I have friends who still show and make me feel that they care even if we're thousands of miles apart. And that's enough, for now. :)

Labels: FEELINGS, HAPPINESS, LOVE, SUMMER, UNEXPECTED

Labels: FAMILY, FEELINGS, LOVE

Labels: FAMILY, LIFE, LOVE, RANDOM, SUMMER

I need inspiration.

I need something new.

Change of lifestyle, maybe?

I need something to keep me going. But not something that would keep me going just because I have to.

Life is boring right now. and that sucks. I usually am the person who finds inspiration in the littlest of things. Or I guess I was.

And I said that love itself was enough to keep me alive. Every kind of love but that. I know that it's not what I need right now. It's not yet the right time. Not that I'm scared of falling in love. It's just that there's really no one to begin with in the first place.

I haven't found that someone who would make my heart beat like it did before.

I'm just not looking right now. Period. My love life is currently non-existent. Only the Lord knows when it will be revived again.

And until then, I'm putting this heart to rest.

Song for the day: All the Love in the World- The Corrs

Labels: FEELINGS, LOST, LOVE

Some people are asking me if I still believe in love despite everything that happened the past months. Well, yes, I still do. I still believe in its magic--how it can change people for the better or..worse. I still believe that it exists even for people like me--those who have loved and lost. I believe that there is love in everyone, even for those who don't deserve it.

I still believe in love, but in a different way. I used to define love by hugs, kisses, sweet gestures, flowers, chocolates and the like. Yes, they are love but not quite, because they are just ways of showing love, but aren't love itself. Love is such a big word for four letters, therefore, those things cannot really truly define what love is.

They say that for most people, love is defined when they are IN love with someone. I used to be one of those people. Don't get me wrong though. I love the feeling of being in love with someone and being loved back. And even up to now, I'm still in love with love.

But what really is love? Don't look at me. I'm still figuring that one out. ;) I can't exactly define it with words. But, I see it and I can feel it too, everyday. We all know that love exists in everything. But, it's not enough to just know it, you have to see and feel it. It exists in every relationship. It doesn't have to be mutual, but it would be better if it is.

I know that you know what I'm talking about. Of course, you're human. You should feel it, even if it's not with a special someone. If you're young, you have all the time in the world for that. If you're not, well, maybe you didn't notice and you let it pass, or maybe, if you're lucky, it's still out there looking for you, or maybe he/she is just outside your door. All you have to do is open it. ;)

Love exists even in the eyes of your enemy. It is present in the arms of your family, in the hands of your friends and in the heart of the one you love. -EU

It's ironic that we know it exists. We see it and we can feel it. We even know how to show it. We know when it's there and we know when it's gone. And yet, we can't define it. But, maybe it's supposed to be that way. It's the biggest mystery of life, just like God. We can't see Him but we know He's there. And just like love, we can't define Him. We also do things for Him without knowing who He really is.

If God is love, then there's no such thing as lost. Even if you lose the one you love, you'll find a way to get it back somehow, someday. It may not be the same person, but you will, eventually. You just have to open your eyes to reality. I believe that romantic love is just 25% of the love of your life. 25% is/should be from yourself, another 25 from your family and the remaining 25% is from your friends.

I'm not saying I'm right, though. It's just my perspective. My statistics may not be right, but I know that it applies to everyone. Those kinds of love will be experienced by all of us. It may not be all at the same time, but it will happen. A good friend of mine told me that true love happens when you can't ask for more. So, wait for it to happen, because it will and it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, love what you have more than what you don't. :)

As for me, I'm still waiting because I believe that it will come. I still believe in love, and I always will. And right now, even if I don't have someone who would give me the drive to go on everyday, and the inspiration and motivation to do what I have to do, I know that love itself is enough to help me make it through each day. And with the love from my family and friends, I know I can and I will be the person that I was meant to be. :)

Losing is not a bad thing either, because if you do, keep in mind that you lost because there are other, maybe even greater things out there to find you. Yes, love can break you, but it is also what can build you again. Just let it be. Love will find its way. It always do. :)

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

It was raining.

It has been three months since it rained. No matter how cold the weather was the past three months, it was the first time it rained again. Funny thing was, it was the exact same day.

She smiled as she remembered. Memories of that day passed her by like towns on the highway. She smiled because she remembered. That was the rain she knows she would never forget, but won't always remember. It was cold. The coldest ever. Yet, she still chose to remember, to let it linger even for a while.

She was walking in the rain, with nothing to protect her. She was looking at the place she once called home. She was looking at those people passing her. She smiled as they all ran for cover. Some took out their umbrellas and gave shed to another. They were enjoying the rain, just like her.

And then she realized, she was alone. She used to be one of those lucky people who gets to share this kind of moment with someone. But at that moment, she had no one. No one was there to share her umbrella with her. She shoved that thought away, for she knew that it wouldn't do her any good.

She smiled again, because even though she had no one with her at that moment, she still feels lucky, because for once in her life, she was able to share those kinds of moments with someone. She continued on her journey, ignoring the people passing her by.

Suddenly, there were raindrops on her cheeks. She looked up. But those raindrops weren't coming from the sky. They were coming from her very eyes. She looked down again. She was afraid that someone might see her. See her like that. And that would ruin everything.

No, she's not pretending, nor faking what she really feels. It's just that she knows that she's stronger than she thinks. She is. She's stronger than the rain. She knows she'll get through it. She believes that she will. After all, there's always a sunshine after the rain. This, too, shall pass.

"This is just a part of it.", she told herself. And with that, her smile brightened up her face again.

That's my girl.

I wanted to tell her that. I have seen this girl struggle with the storm for so long. I wanted to save her. But, I know she can do this on her own. All I can do now is watch her from afar, and so I did.

I saw her look back. I saw sadness in her eyes, but she was still able to smile genuinely despite that. I saw hope hover for a moment. I saw her eyes look up, as if thanking Him for the rain, no matter how much it made her cold.

Her lips moved and said, "Thank God for the rain."

And smiled again as she finds her way home.

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

"How many moments in life can you point to and say, 'that's when it all changed.' "

-Brooke Davis; One Tree Hill


If you know me, really know me, you'll probably know that I am a One Tree Hill Series Addict. Well, if you don't, then now you know. :)

There are a lot of moments in my life when I say that I've changed. If you read my past posts you'll know what I mean. Anyway, everytime I acknowledge the change, I feel this certain kind of fulfillment or happiness or whatever you call it, but not the kind that lasts long. I still feel like there's still something there that I have to know, something that would finally give me THAT fulfillment.

I tried to let it all out. I thought that maybe there's still something about the past that I have to accept. Though that is still true and I'm on the process as of the moment, there's no need to rush. I kept on wanting something but I don't know what that something is, or who. I even considered the fact that maybe I really can't live without a partner. Being single is fabulous and it gives me that kind of happiness that no one else can, the kind that comes from within. But then, when I think about it, I like being alone from time to time. I don't have a problem with that. And it's something that I haven't done for a long time now, which only makes it more exciting. I'm into trying new things lately, that's why.

So, I just let things be before I get myself into something that I would regret. And then I had this feeling that I'm not satisfied with what I'm pursuing. That there's more to my life than that. And I got scared because I've been holding on to this dream since I was a kid, and it would be disappointing and heartbreaking to let go of it now that I'm here.

It's hard for me to let go of that, because I've spent the last 7 years of my life waiting for it to happen. And when it did, I didn't feel the same anymore. It didn't feel like I've been wanting it for the past years. And I guess that I pursued it because I wanted to be with that person. It was like I was reaching for my dreams for her. It's such a shame for it to happen, but it did.

And then I told myself that it's still important to me, that if I can't be good at it, I'd rather not destroy it. I was desperately trying to find my purpose in pursuing that dream. And even up to now, I know that I still want to pursue it. I'm just not strong enough to do that, not yet. Maybe I would still be able to but not in ways that I have imagined it. I want it to happen because it was meant to be, but that doesn't mean that I won't work hard for it. I've already worked hard, why stop now?

I never thought that it will come to this point, that I would have to let go of the place where I imagined it to happen. And just now, I realized that I never wanted to let go of that dream, just the place where I want it to happen.

That's why I'm leaving.

I realized that I have to find myself again with the people that loves me the most, my family. And I can't do it here because my parents aren't with me. So, I'm moving in with them. I realized that I don't really need someone to love me back, to appreciate me, to know my worth and love me for who I am. I just need my parents to finally, and truly see who I really am, and still love me for me. I've finally figured out that that's what I've been longing for all this time.

Sure, it's great to love and be loved by that person you love. It's one of the most wonderful things in the world that science can never define. But, nothing beats love from your family. Romantic love relationships can never fill the love you need from them. And maybe that's why I can never be complete, because even though I was in a relationship at that time, I still needed more because I don't feel that from my family.

I never really knew or feel how it's like to have a family. A real one. I grew up with my extended family. I live with them up to now. And I love them for taking care of us and taking over the responsiblity of our parents in their absence. But even though, they can never satisfy my need to have my parents by my side, especially when I was growing up.

As much as I understand why they had to leave, that part of me still remains empty. That's why I've decided that I will live with them again. It's time that we give ourselves time to be with each other. I, for myself, miss being a daughter. And I know that my mom and dad miss being parents too. Plus, I don't want my younger siblings to go through what I am going through right now without our parents.

I know that I am doing the right thing. And there's nothing you can do or say to make me change my decision. I just hope some people would understand that this is not about going to an international university or studying abroad. It's more than that. And please, stop thinking that I'm throwing my education or my life, for that matter, away. I just want to be with my parents. I want my family. It's not like I'm getting myself pregnant or something. If you only knew how much I've been wanting to do this for so long, but I didn't took my chance, because I haven't realized that this is what I need. Just let me be happy. Let US be happy.

"Sometimes we aren't even wishing for that thing we really need."
-Sulamina Mum; The Wedding Planner's Daughter

And I believe that. I wished for love. I wished for someone to be with me. I was afraid to be alone then. And all I ever wanted at that time was to have somebody that I could cry to every night, someone who would take my tears away. I wished for someone to love me for who I am and never question what I have become and who I was. What I didn't realize is, I'm wishing for something that I already have. And, I guess you could say that I'm lucky because I have two. I have my mom and dad. :)

Labels: LIFE, LOVE, STARTING OVER

Labels: HEARTBREAK, LOST, LOVE

EURA YUSTE is a seventeen-year old girl who loves ART and MUSIC. She thinks that blogging si not just a theraphy, it's her way of life. She values her family and friends more than herself. She is currently living in one of the hottest places in the world. But, loves MANILA to bits. Writing and fashion are her ways of expression. She hopes that her passion for PHOTOGRAPHY and EVENTS MANAGEMENT will help her pay the bills someday. Wanna knowmore?

I watched the movie last Sunday, because I was curious. Haha. I've been playing its PS2 video game for almost a month now and I love it, even though it's really giving me bad headaches. So, one day, when I wasn't doing anything, I thought of watching the movie. And, it actually made me cry, especially at the last part. The part where the title card with the quote above was shown. I never knew that an animated movie would hit me hard. I was actually expecting its message to be more family-related. Well, I guess it is. But, it touched me in every way.

It made me feel guilty. I don't know why. Maybe because I knew that it was meant for me?But, whatever it is, I'm sure this wasn't a coincidence. After all, everything happens with and for a reason.

Anyway, I actually forgot the reason why I am writing this. All I'm saying is, I guess I'm just tired of this, and I really can't find the reasons why I'm hanging on, so I guess I'm just going to let it go. Why prolong the agony? Besides, I don't want this to ruin my life. Again.

I just really hope that this will be the last time that I'll be dealing with this. Like what Walt Disney said, we don't look backwards for very long. I guess that the whole movie was my cue.
And that actually made me smile. It gave me a spark of hope that maybe it's okay after all, that I'd be okay. Happiness is a choice after all. :) How can I not be happy with my life right now? I have every reason to. For one, I'm with my family. I have friends who still show and make me feel that they care even if we're thousands of miles apart. And that's enough, for now. :)

Labels: FEELINGS, HAPPINESS, LOVE, SUMMER, UNEXPECTED

Labels: FAMILY, FEELINGS, LOVE

Labels: FAMILY, LIFE, LOVE, RANDOM, SUMMER

I need inspiration.

I need something new.

Change of lifestyle, maybe?

I need something to keep me going. But not something that would keep me going just because I have to.

Life is boring right now. and that sucks. I usually am the person who finds inspiration in the littlest of things. Or I guess I was.

And I said that love itself was enough to keep me alive. Every kind of love but that. I know that it's not what I need right now. It's not yet the right time. Not that I'm scared of falling in love. It's just that there's really no one to begin with in the first place.

I haven't found that someone who would make my heart beat like it did before.

I'm just not looking right now. Period. My love life is currently non-existent. Only the Lord knows when it will be revived again.

And until then, I'm putting this heart to rest.

Song for the day: All the Love in the World- The Corrs

Labels: FEELINGS, LOST, LOVE

Some people are asking me if I still believe in love despite everything that happened the past months. Well, yes, I still do. I still believe in its magic--how it can change people for the better or..worse. I still believe that it exists even for people like me--those who have loved and lost. I believe that there is love in everyone, even for those who don't deserve it.

I still believe in love, but in a different way. I used to define love by hugs, kisses, sweet gestures, flowers, chocolates and the like. Yes, they are love but not quite, because they are just ways of showing love, but aren't love itself. Love is such a big word for four letters, therefore, those things cannot really truly define what love is.

They say that for most people, love is defined when they are IN love with someone. I used to be one of those people. Don't get me wrong though. I love the feeling of being in love with someone and being loved back. And even up to now, I'm still in love with love.

But what really is love? Don't look at me. I'm still figuring that one out. ;) I can't exactly define it with words. But, I see it and I can feel it too, everyday. We all know that love exists in everything. But, it's not enough to just know it, you have to see and feel it. It exists in every relationship. It doesn't have to be mutual, but it would be better if it is.

I know that you know what I'm talking about. Of course, you're human. You should feel it, even if it's not with a special someone. If you're young, you have all the time in the world for that. If you're not, well, maybe you didn't notice and you let it pass, or maybe, if you're lucky, it's still out there looking for you, or maybe he/she is just outside your door. All you have to do is open it. ;)

Love exists even in the eyes of your enemy. It is present in the arms of your family, in the hands of your friends and in the heart of the one you love. -EU

It's ironic that we know it exists. We see it and we can feel it. We even know how to show it. We know when it's there and we know when it's gone. And yet, we can't define it. But, maybe it's supposed to be that way. It's the biggest mystery of life, just like God. We can't see Him but we know He's there. And just like love, we can't define Him. We also do things for Him without knowing who He really is.

If God is love, then there's no such thing as lost. Even if you lose the one you love, you'll find a way to get it back somehow, someday. It may not be the same person, but you will, eventually. You just have to open your eyes to reality. I believe that romantic love is just 25% of the love of your life. 25% is/should be from yourself, another 25 from your family and the remaining 25% is from your friends.

I'm not saying I'm right, though. It's just my perspective. My statistics may not be right, but I know that it applies to everyone. Those kinds of love will be experienced by all of us. It may not be all at the same time, but it will happen. A good friend of mine told me that true love happens when you can't ask for more. So, wait for it to happen, because it will and it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, love what you have more than what you don't. :)

As for me, I'm still waiting because I believe that it will come. I still believe in love, and I always will. And right now, even if I don't have someone who would give me the drive to go on everyday, and the inspiration and motivation to do what I have to do, I know that love itself is enough to help me make it through each day. And with the love from my family and friends, I know I can and I will be the person that I was meant to be. :)

Losing is not a bad thing either, because if you do, keep in mind that you lost because there are other, maybe even greater things out there to find you. Yes, love can break you, but it is also what can build you again. Just let it be. Love will find its way. It always do. :)

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

It was raining.

It has been three months since it rained. No matter how cold the weather was the past three months, it was the first time it rained again. Funny thing was, it was the exact same day.

She smiled as she remembered. Memories of that day passed her by like towns on the highway. She smiled because she remembered. That was the rain she knows she would never forget, but won't always remember. It was cold. The coldest ever. Yet, she still chose to remember, to let it linger even for a while.

She was walking in the rain, with nothing to protect her. She was looking at the place she once called home. She was looking at those people passing her. She smiled as they all ran for cover. Some took out their umbrellas and gave shed to another. They were enjoying the rain, just like her.

And then she realized, she was alone. She used to be one of those lucky people who gets to share this kind of moment with someone. But at that moment, she had no one. No one was there to share her umbrella with her. She shoved that thought away, for she knew that it wouldn't do her any good.

She smiled again, because even though she had no one with her at that moment, she still feels lucky, because for once in her life, she was able to share those kinds of moments with someone. She continued on her journey, ignoring the people passing her by.

Suddenly, there were raindrops on her cheeks. She looked up. But those raindrops weren't coming from the sky. They were coming from her very eyes. She looked down again. She was afraid that someone might see her. See her like that. And that would ruin everything.

No, she's not pretending, nor faking what she really feels. It's just that she knows that she's stronger than she thinks. She is. She's stronger than the rain. She knows she'll get through it. She believes that she will. After all, there's always a sunshine after the rain. This, too, shall pass.

"This is just a part of it.", she told herself. And with that, her smile brightened up her face again.

That's my girl.

I wanted to tell her that. I have seen this girl struggle with the storm for so long. I wanted to save her. But, I know she can do this on her own. All I can do now is watch her from afar, and so I did.

I saw her look back. I saw sadness in her eyes, but she was still able to smile genuinely despite that. I saw hope hover for a moment. I saw her eyes look up, as if thanking Him for the rain, no matter how much it made her cold.

Her lips moved and said, "Thank God for the rain."

And smiled again as she finds her way home.

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

"How many moments in life can you point to and say, 'that's when it all changed.' "

-Brooke Davis; One Tree Hill


If you know me, really know me, you'll probably know that I am a One Tree Hill Series Addict. Well, if you don't, then now you know. :)

There are a lot of moments in my life when I say that I've changed. If you read my past posts you'll know what I mean. Anyway, everytime I acknowledge the change, I feel this certain kind of fulfillment or happiness or whatever you call it, but not the kind that lasts long. I still feel like there's still something there that I have to know, something that would finally give me THAT fulfillment.

I tried to let it all out. I thought that maybe there's still something about the past that I have to accept. Though that is still true and I'm on the process as of the moment, there's no need to rush. I kept on wanting something but I don't know what that something is, or who. I even considered the fact that maybe I really can't live without a partner. Being single is fabulous and it gives me that kind of happiness that no one else can, the kind that comes from within. But then, when I think about it, I like being alone from time to time. I don't have a problem with that. And it's something that I haven't done for a long time now, which only makes it more exciting. I'm into trying new things lately, that's why.

So, I just let things be before I get myself into something that I would regret. And then I had this feeling that I'm not satisfied with what I'm pursuing. That there's more to my life than that. And I got scared because I've been holding on to this dream since I was a kid, and it would be disappointing and heartbreaking to let go of it now that I'm here.

It's hard for me to let go of that, because I've spent the last 7 years of my life waiting for it to happen. And when it did, I didn't feel the same anymore. It didn't feel like I've been wanting it for the past years. And I guess that I pursued it because I wanted to be with that person. It was like I was reaching for my dreams for her. It's such a shame for it to happen, but it did.

And then I told myself that it's still important to me, that if I can't be good at it, I'd rather not destroy it. I was desperately trying to find my purpose in pursuing that dream. And even up to now, I know that I still want to pursue it. I'm just not strong enough to do that, not yet. Maybe I would still be able to but not in ways that I have imagined it. I want it to happen because it was meant to be, but that doesn't mean that I won't work hard for it. I've already worked hard, why stop now?

I never thought that it will come to this point, that I would have to let go of the place where I imagined it to happen. And just now, I realized that I never wanted to let go of that dream, just the place where I want it to happen.

That's why I'm leaving.

I realized that I have to find myself again with the people that loves me the most, my family. And I can't do it here because my parents aren't with me. So, I'm moving in with them. I realized that I don't really need someone to love me back, to appreciate me, to know my worth and love me for who I am. I just need my parents to finally, and truly see who I really am, and still love me for me. I've finally figured out that that's what I've been longing for all this time.

Sure, it's great to love and be loved by that person you love. It's one of the most wonderful things in the world that science can never define. But, nothing beats love from your family. Romantic love relationships can never fill the love you need from them. And maybe that's why I can never be complete, because even though I was in a relationship at that time, I still needed more because I don't feel that from my family.

I never really knew or feel how it's like to have a family. A real one. I grew up with my extended family. I live with them up to now. And I love them for taking care of us and taking over the responsiblity of our parents in their absence. But even though, they can never satisfy my need to have my parents by my side, especially when I was growing up.

As much as I understand why they had to leave, that part of me still remains empty. That's why I've decided that I will live with them again. It's time that we give ourselves time to be with each other. I, for myself, miss being a daughter. And I know that my mom and dad miss being parents too. Plus, I don't want my younger siblings to go through what I am going through right now without our parents.

I know that I am doing the right thing. And there's nothing you can do or say to make me change my decision. I just hope some people would understand that this is not about going to an international university or studying abroad. It's more than that. And please, stop thinking that I'm throwing my education or my life, for that matter, away. I just want to be with my parents. I want my family. It's not like I'm getting myself pregnant or something. If you only knew how much I've been wanting to do this for so long, but I didn't took my chance, because I haven't realized that this is what I need. Just let me be happy. Let US be happy.

"Sometimes we aren't even wishing for that thing we really need."
-Sulamina Mum; The Wedding Planner's Daughter

And I believe that. I wished for love. I wished for someone to be with me. I was afraid to be alone then. And all I ever wanted at that time was to have somebody that I could cry to every night, someone who would take my tears away. I wished for someone to love me for who I am and never question what I have become and who I was. What I didn't realize is, I'm wishing for something that I already have. And, I guess you could say that I'm lucky because I have two. I have my mom and dad. :)

Labels: LIFE, LOVE, STARTING OVER

Labels: HEARTBREAK, LOST, LOVE