What would you do, if someone you really love, passed away while you were halfway around the world?

One of my closest titas, passed away today. And up to now, I don't know the exact cause of her death. We were just told that she died because of a terrible sickness. I'm not sure, though I know that it has something to do with her heart. I knew that. Before we left for Abu Dhabi, I remember reading one of her text messages asking for financial help from our family because she was going to undergo surgery for her heart. And then, I remember reading another text message from my other tita(her sister) saying that the operation went well and they were really thankful for the money that we donated.

But now...she's gone. I wasn't even able to bond with her before I left the country. I wasn't able to visit the province before leaving because I was sick. I feel really bad because we're really close when we were young. She was in her teens while I was just learning to walk. She was with me all the time when I was young. She lived with us then.

I think the last time I saw her was also the last time I visited the province which was last year, last summer. I'm just really sad. She's still young. I think she's in her late twenties/early thirties. My mom broke the news while we were in the car, on the way to the grocery to buy food for their anniversary party tomorrow. I can remember the exact conversation:

Mommy: Dadaan pala tayo sa simbahan.

Me, Eunice and Edrick: Baket po?

Mommy: Kase magtitirik tayo ng... kandila.

Me: baket? * I was nervous, waiting for her next words. I knew that there was something wrong.*

Mommy: Wala na...si..Tita Grace niyo.

We all gasped. And then fell silent for the next minutes. I was staring outside the window. I wasn't able to speak. I just can't. I don't want to think that she's..not breathing anymore. I can't even cry.

I guess I'm just devastated. I prayed for her. I know that she's happy now, because she's with God and her mom (my lola's sister). I prayed for her loved-ones as well. It's going to be tough for them, now that she's not around anymore.

I just wish that this didn't happen while I was away. I want to see her for the last time. I want to be there. But as it is, I can't.

*This was supposed to be posted last night, but because of certain circumstances, I wasn't able to. To whoever is reading this, I hope that you can include her and our family in your prayers. Thank you. *

Labels: FAMILY, HEARTBREAK, LOST, UNEXPECTED

Goodbye, Francis Magalona. :(

You will be missed. You have lived a great life. And you will be remembered forever.

Labels: HEARTBREAK, LOST, UNEXPECTED

I need inspiration.

I need something new.

Change of lifestyle, maybe?

I need something to keep me going. But not something that would keep me going just because I have to.

Life is boring right now. and that sucks. I usually am the person who finds inspiration in the littlest of things. Or I guess I was.

And I said that love itself was enough to keep me alive. Every kind of love but that. I know that it's not what I need right now. It's not yet the right time. Not that I'm scared of falling in love. It's just that there's really no one to begin with in the first place.

I haven't found that someone who would make my heart beat like it did before.

I'm just not looking right now. Period. My love life is currently non-existent. Only the Lord knows when it will be revived again.

And until then, I'm putting this heart to rest.

Song for the day: All the Love in the World- The Corrs

Labels: FEELINGS, LOST, LOVE

Everyone has told me, including my mom, to stop looking back and just let it go. Let her go. Have I stayed away long enough not to get hurt again? Just when I thought I have, I haven't. There's still a little part of me that doesn't want to do that no matter how many times they have been telling me to let go..even for a while. I just can't. Not now. Not when I have to leave in a few months, without knowing when I'll be back here again.

I can't leave things here like that. I have to know that it's okay. That I'm okay. That We're okay. That we can be friends again. I have, well, I want to know that she still cares for me. AS FRIENDS. No more, no less, because I still do. I care for her. I owe her a lot. She has to know that I'm thankful for everything that happened. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't know what I'm really missing, what I truly need.

I'm not saying that I have moved on already. I've accepted the fact that things can't go back to the way they were. If I were to choose, I would choose the present because I'm happy, wait scratch that, I'm fulfilled. But, I think I would be happier if everything's okay. Or at least, on the way to being okay.

I can't ler her go not because I still love her that way, or I'm still hoping that we can be together again, but because I don't want to lose a friend. I want us to be friends, because we started out that way. The past 2 years that we were together, we were also able to develop that friendship, somehow. We were like, more than bestfriends but less than lovers, even though we're really together.

As much as I'm happy now, at the end of every day, I can't help but wish that she's one of those people that I've spent that day with, may it be good or bad. I miss her. I miss her company. I miss hanging out. I miss our tandem. She's one of the people who have made a difference in my life. I hope she knows that.

So tell me, how will I let go? I feel like a soul with an unfinished business. I hope that I'll be able to figure this out before time runs out.

Labels: LOST

I went out with tin and dinne a while ago. It was unexpected, actually. I had my nails done while Tin was getting her hair cut. :) I was supposed to have mine cut too, but then I got cold feet. :P Bukas na lang. :) Joyride bonding tomorrow!inuman time. :P gosh. I missed all of them so much! :) Tapos may pasok na ulet sa monday.I'm excited. Kahet wala pa kong homework sa math. :P ADTHREE, pakopya na lang! :P


I've been having weird dreams lately. Actually, since the start of the break. To give you an idea, I dreamt about the same person for one whole week and the same thing happened. It's not really the same thing but, the plot was the same. Though some were done differently, it still boils down to one thing. I know that I've been having other dreams aside from that, but it's the only one I can remember. weird. It makes me scared to go to sleep. :/


I'm thinking of getting a haircut again, but I'm still not sure about that. I really want to, though.
I want to cut my hair shorter than the usual. Like this:

That's Xian Mikol from The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. I really like her. :) My sister said that I'd look better if my hair was like that. :)

I read my horoscope today. I'm not really a fan of horoscopes but I gave it a try. I want to know what the stars have in store for me. Nakakatawa lang na sobrang sakto nung mga readings. :/ Nagpaparinig ata. :))

Wah.Gusto ko na talagang pumasok. I wanna be busy. Tyaka nakakabato na dito sa bahay. Iba pa rin talaga pag sa school.

I've been thinking. Maybe, I really am a person who loves drama. I mean I know I worry too much, I'm paranoid and all that. I'm a kind of person who loves to make problems for myself. Super hilig kong mamroblema. Ung mga di dapat pinoproblema, minsan pinoproblema ko pa rin. gosh, I'm giving myself an early death. I guess I'm just full of anger right now. I mean, un ung nararamdaman ko as of the moment. Gosh. I really do love the drama. See?I'm a drama queen. haha!okay. im not crazy. or maybe i am. err.i hate this. :/

I don't know what I want. But, I know that I need someone to talk to. Someone who would really listen. Yeah, I have my friends. Pero minsan, i feel like rindi na rin sila sakin. So, I don't bother them that much anymore. Plus, whatever this is that I am facing right now, I want to get through this on my own. Sides, I don't want my friends to worry about me. I guess, gusto ko ding iprove sa kanila at sa sarili ko na nag-mature na talaga ako by dealing with my problems on my own.

I know they would offer help and all. Pero ewan ko. I just don't feel like sharing right now. Honestly, I really don't feel okay right now. and I don't know why. Problems or issues are just coming in out of nowhere all at the same time and that sucks. I want to get a stronger grip of my life. I feel like it's slipping away. I hate it when I'm thinking too much. But what will I do? I really can't help it. Tyaka anu pa ba ang pwede kong isipin diba? I try to think about other things like plates,family,summer and friends. Pero may kanya-kanya ding issue dun eh. *sigh

I guess it's one thing that I miss about having a special someone. I miss thinking about a person that makes me happy. It's not just a distraction from everything that's bothering me, it gives me that comfort. Yung tipong iisipin ko lang ung taong un, mawawala na lahat o mapapangiti na lang ako. Ngayon kase, wala namang taong ganun para sa kin. Sure, I like somebody. But, it's different. I don't feel that comfort when I think about him.

I know I can live without having someone who makes me feel that way. Pero, hindi ako bato. Kahet pa sabihing dapat ineenjoy ko ung pagiging single, iba pa rin talaga eh. Yes, I'm enjoying and I would rather be single as of the moment. It's just really different. You will say na di lang talaga ako sanay. Yeah, I know that.

And up to now, I still feel lonely. There are a lot of things that I regret. Sana di na lang ako naging asshole para di niya ko iniwan. Sana may nagawa ako para di mangyari un. Sana napigilan ko. Pero either way, I know that it was bound too happen. It's too bad that I wasn't able to do anything about it.

What is wrong with me?gahd. This shouldn't be happening. But, I guess I really have to face this. I can't move on if there are still issues like this. Life is just freaking complicated.

Labels: LIFE, LOST

There are a lot of things on my mind right now. And knowing me[if you read my blog], I'm known for writing very long entries. And I'm telling you right now that this is going to be a long one. Read on if you want. I don't care. I just want to write[in this case, type :P] this down for memory's sake. Moving on..

Looking back on the year that is nearing its end, I think about everything that happened. And when I look back, I feel like I'm so far from that person I used to be when I was in high school. I'm so far from that person I used to be a few weeks back. It's funny how people adjust to what's going on in their life without knowing that they are. It's funny how we can lose ourselves to something that we thought will be worth it. But the truth is, there's nothing in this world worthy of losing one's self.

This year, I wasn't able to get a hold of my life. I thought I was, though. I got lost in my own journey, because I let others take the wheel. I thought I was strong enough to let go and just go with the flow. But, I wasn't.

Losing myself is the hardest battle because I have to fight with who I was, who I am and who I want to be. But I kept on fighting. I'll never stop fighting for who I am. But in the end, it all boils down to one, it will always be who I am. Somehow, I know that somewhere deep within me is the person I want to be. And the person that I was will always be remembered.

They said that once we lose ourselves, we have two choices: Find the person we used to be or lose that person completely. I tried the first one. I tried to look for the person I used to be before this all happened. But in the midst of my search, I found nothing. I can't find her anymore. I knew then that she was buried somewhere far away. It cannot be measured by distance but by time. Time took her away.

And with time, I could make things better. I know that I'm not making a mistake here, I'm fixing one. It's time I step out of the person I've been and remember who I am meant to be. It's tragic to lose one's self, and yet I'm still happy I did. I guess they're right. Great things happen from those that scare us the most. It's when you are tested that you find who you truly are and discover who you can be.

This year, I may have lost my way. I got almost everything I wanted and wished for. But in reality, I lost even more. But, I'm willing to go on another journey. I'm going to find my way and gain what I have lost.

In the end, all that matters is you're willingness to drive through life again after all that happened. Keeping in mind the reason for this journey, I know I'll make it through. I will.

Labels: HEARTBREAK, LESSONS, LIFE, LOST

Labels: HEARTBREAK, LOST, LOVE

EURA YUSTE is a seventeen-year old girl who loves ART and MUSIC. She thinks that blogging si not just a theraphy, it's her way of life. She values her family and friends more than herself. She is currently living in one of the hottest places in the world. But, loves MANILA to bits. Writing and fashion are her ways of expression. She hopes that her passion for PHOTOGRAPHY and EVENTS MANAGEMENT will help her pay the bills someday. Wanna knowmore?

What would you do, if someone you really love, passed away while you were halfway around the world?

One of my closest titas, passed away today. And up to now, I don't know the exact cause of her death. We were just told that she died because of a terrible sickness. I'm not sure, though I know that it has something to do with her heart. I knew that. Before we left for Abu Dhabi, I remember reading one of her text messages asking for financial help from our family because she was going to undergo surgery for her heart. And then, I remember reading another text message from my other tita(her sister) saying that the operation went well and they were really thankful for the money that we donated.

But now...she's gone. I wasn't even able to bond with her before I left the country. I wasn't able to visit the province before leaving because I was sick. I feel really bad because we're really close when we were young. She was in her teens while I was just learning to walk. She was with me all the time when I was young. She lived with us then.

I think the last time I saw her was also the last time I visited the province which was last year, last summer. I'm just really sad. She's still young. I think she's in her late twenties/early thirties. My mom broke the news while we were in the car, on the way to the grocery to buy food for their anniversary party tomorrow. I can remember the exact conversation:

Mommy: Dadaan pala tayo sa simbahan.

Me, Eunice and Edrick: Baket po?

Mommy: Kase magtitirik tayo ng... kandila.

Me: baket? * I was nervous, waiting for her next words. I knew that there was something wrong.*

Mommy: Wala na...si..Tita Grace niyo.

We all gasped. And then fell silent for the next minutes. I was staring outside the window. I wasn't able to speak. I just can't. I don't want to think that she's..not breathing anymore. I can't even cry.

I guess I'm just devastated. I prayed for her. I know that she's happy now, because she's with God and her mom (my lola's sister). I prayed for her loved-ones as well. It's going to be tough for them, now that she's not around anymore.

I just wish that this didn't happen while I was away. I want to see her for the last time. I want to be there. But as it is, I can't.

*This was supposed to be posted last night, but because of certain circumstances, I wasn't able to. To whoever is reading this, I hope that you can include her and our family in your prayers. Thank you. *

Labels: FAMILY, HEARTBREAK, LOST, UNEXPECTED

Goodbye, Francis Magalona. :(

You will be missed. You have lived a great life. And you will be remembered forever.

Labels: HEARTBREAK, LOST, UNEXPECTED

I need inspiration.

I need something new.

Change of lifestyle, maybe?

I need something to keep me going. But not something that would keep me going just because I have to.

Life is boring right now. and that sucks. I usually am the person who finds inspiration in the littlest of things. Or I guess I was.

And I said that love itself was enough to keep me alive. Every kind of love but that. I know that it's not what I need right now. It's not yet the right time. Not that I'm scared of falling in love. It's just that there's really no one to begin with in the first place.

I haven't found that someone who would make my heart beat like it did before.

I'm just not looking right now. Period. My love life is currently non-existent. Only the Lord knows when it will be revived again.

And until then, I'm putting this heart to rest.

Song for the day: All the Love in the World- The Corrs

Labels: FEELINGS, LOST, LOVE

Everyone has told me, including my mom, to stop looking back and just let it go. Let her go. Have I stayed away long enough not to get hurt again? Just when I thought I have, I haven't. There's still a little part of me that doesn't want to do that no matter how many times they have been telling me to let go..even for a while. I just can't. Not now. Not when I have to leave in a few months, without knowing when I'll be back here again.

I can't leave things here like that. I have to know that it's okay. That I'm okay. That We're okay. That we can be friends again. I have, well, I want to know that she still cares for me. AS FRIENDS. No more, no less, because I still do. I care for her. I owe her a lot. She has to know that I'm thankful for everything that happened. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't know what I'm really missing, what I truly need.

I'm not saying that I have moved on already. I've accepted the fact that things can't go back to the way they were. If I were to choose, I would choose the present because I'm happy, wait scratch that, I'm fulfilled. But, I think I would be happier if everything's okay. Or at least, on the way to being okay.

I can't ler her go not because I still love her that way, or I'm still hoping that we can be together again, but because I don't want to lose a friend. I want us to be friends, because we started out that way. The past 2 years that we were together, we were also able to develop that friendship, somehow. We were like, more than bestfriends but less than lovers, even though we're really together.

As much as I'm happy now, at the end of every day, I can't help but wish that she's one of those people that I've spent that day with, may it be good or bad. I miss her. I miss her company. I miss hanging out. I miss our tandem. She's one of the people who have made a difference in my life. I hope she knows that.

So tell me, how will I let go? I feel like a soul with an unfinished business. I hope that I'll be able to figure this out before time runs out.

Labels: LOST

I went out with tin and dinne a while ago. It was unexpected, actually. I had my nails done while Tin was getting her hair cut. :) I was supposed to have mine cut too, but then I got cold feet. :P Bukas na lang. :) Joyride bonding tomorrow!inuman time. :P gosh. I missed all of them so much! :) Tapos may pasok na ulet sa monday.I'm excited. Kahet wala pa kong homework sa math. :P ADTHREE, pakopya na lang! :P


I've been having weird dreams lately. Actually, since the start of the break. To give you an idea, I dreamt about the same person for one whole week and the same thing happened. It's not really the same thing but, the plot was the same. Though some were done differently, it still boils down to one thing. I know that I've been having other dreams aside from that, but it's the only one I can remember. weird. It makes me scared to go to sleep. :/


I'm thinking of getting a haircut again, but I'm still not sure about that. I really want to, though.
I want to cut my hair shorter than the usual. Like this:

That's Xian Mikol from The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. I really like her. :) My sister said that I'd look better if my hair was like that. :)

I read my horoscope today. I'm not really a fan of horoscopes but I gave it a try. I want to know what the stars have in store for me. Nakakatawa lang na sobrang sakto nung mga readings. :/ Nagpaparinig ata. :))

Wah.Gusto ko na talagang pumasok. I wanna be busy. Tyaka nakakabato na dito sa bahay. Iba pa rin talaga pag sa school.

I've been thinking. Maybe, I really am a person who loves drama. I mean I know I worry too much, I'm paranoid and all that. I'm a kind of person who loves to make problems for myself. Super hilig kong mamroblema. Ung mga di dapat pinoproblema, minsan pinoproblema ko pa rin. gosh, I'm giving myself an early death. I guess I'm just full of anger right now. I mean, un ung nararamdaman ko as of the moment. Gosh. I really do love the drama. See?I'm a drama queen. haha!okay. im not crazy. or maybe i am. err.i hate this. :/

I don't know what I want. But, I know that I need someone to talk to. Someone who would really listen. Yeah, I have my friends. Pero minsan, i feel like rindi na rin sila sakin. So, I don't bother them that much anymore. Plus, whatever this is that I am facing right now, I want to get through this on my own. Sides, I don't want my friends to worry about me. I guess, gusto ko ding iprove sa kanila at sa sarili ko na nag-mature na talaga ako by dealing with my problems on my own.

I know they would offer help and all. Pero ewan ko. I just don't feel like sharing right now. Honestly, I really don't feel okay right now. and I don't know why. Problems or issues are just coming in out of nowhere all at the same time and that sucks. I want to get a stronger grip of my life. I feel like it's slipping away. I hate it when I'm thinking too much. But what will I do? I really can't help it. Tyaka anu pa ba ang pwede kong isipin diba? I try to think about other things like plates,family,summer and friends. Pero may kanya-kanya ding issue dun eh. *sigh

I guess it's one thing that I miss about having a special someone. I miss thinking about a person that makes me happy. It's not just a distraction from everything that's bothering me, it gives me that comfort. Yung tipong iisipin ko lang ung taong un, mawawala na lahat o mapapangiti na lang ako. Ngayon kase, wala namang taong ganun para sa kin. Sure, I like somebody. But, it's different. I don't feel that comfort when I think about him.

I know I can live without having someone who makes me feel that way. Pero, hindi ako bato. Kahet pa sabihing dapat ineenjoy ko ung pagiging single, iba pa rin talaga eh. Yes, I'm enjoying and I would rather be single as of the moment. It's just really different. You will say na di lang talaga ako sanay. Yeah, I know that.

And up to now, I still feel lonely. There are a lot of things that I regret. Sana di na lang ako naging asshole para di niya ko iniwan. Sana may nagawa ako para di mangyari un. Sana napigilan ko. Pero either way, I know that it was bound too happen. It's too bad that I wasn't able to do anything about it.

What is wrong with me?gahd. This shouldn't be happening. But, I guess I really have to face this. I can't move on if there are still issues like this. Life is just freaking complicated.

Labels: LIFE, LOST

There are a lot of things on my mind right now. And knowing me[if you read my blog], I'm known for writing very long entries. And I'm telling you right now that this is going to be a long one. Read on if you want. I don't care. I just want to write[in this case, type :P] this down for memory's sake. Moving on..

Looking back on the year that is nearing its end, I think about everything that happened. And when I look back, I feel like I'm so far from that person I used to be when I was in high school. I'm so far from that person I used to be a few weeks back. It's funny how people adjust to what's going on in their life without knowing that they are. It's funny how we can lose ourselves to something that we thought will be worth it. But the truth is, there's nothing in this world worthy of losing one's self.

This year, I wasn't able to get a hold of my life. I thought I was, though. I got lost in my own journey, because I let others take the wheel. I thought I was strong enough to let go and just go with the flow. But, I wasn't.

Losing myself is the hardest battle because I have to fight with who I was, who I am and who I want to be. But I kept on fighting. I'll never stop fighting for who I am. But in the end, it all boils down to one, it will always be who I am. Somehow, I know that somewhere deep within me is the person I want to be. And the person that I was will always be remembered.

They said that once we lose ourselves, we have two choices: Find the person we used to be or lose that person completely. I tried the first one. I tried to look for the person I used to be before this all happened. But in the midst of my search, I found nothing. I can't find her anymore. I knew then that she was buried somewhere far away. It cannot be measured by distance but by time. Time took her away.

And with time, I could make things better. I know that I'm not making a mistake here, I'm fixing one. It's time I step out of the person I've been and remember who I am meant to be. It's tragic to lose one's self, and yet I'm still happy I did. I guess they're right. Great things happen from those that scare us the most. It's when you are tested that you find who you truly are and discover who you can be.

This year, I may have lost my way. I got almost everything I wanted and wished for. But in reality, I lost even more. But, I'm willing to go on another journey. I'm going to find my way and gain what I have lost.

In the end, all that matters is you're willingness to drive through life again after all that happened. Keeping in mind the reason for this journey, I know I'll make it through. I will.

Labels: HEARTBREAK, LESSONS, LIFE, LOST

Labels: HEARTBREAK, LOST, LOVE