Thursday, May 28, 2009 12:23 AM
What would you do, if someone you really love, passed away while you were halfway around the world?
One of my closest titas, passed away today. And up to now, I don't know the exact cause of her death. We were just told that she died because of a terrible sickness. I'm not sure, though I know that it has something to do with her heart. I knew that. Before we left for Abu Dhabi, I remember reading one of her text messages asking for financial help from our family because she was going to undergo surgery for her heart. And then, I remember reading another text message from my other tita(her sister) saying that the operation went well and they were really thankful for the money that we donated.
But now...she's gone. I wasn't even able to bond with her before I left the country. I wasn't able to visit the province before leaving because I was sick. I feel really bad because we're really close when we were young. She was in her teens while I was just learning to walk. She was with me all the time when I was young. She lived with us then.
I think the last time I saw her was also the last time I visited the province which was last year, last summer. I'm just really sad. She's still young. I think she's in her late twenties/early thirties. My mom broke the news while we were in the car, on the way to the grocery to buy food for their anniversary party tomorrow. I can remember the exact conversation:
Mommy: Dadaan pala tayo sa simbahan.
Me, Eunice and Edrick: Baket po?
Mommy: Kase magtitirik tayo ng... kandila.
Me: baket? * I was nervous, waiting for her next words. I knew that there was something wrong.*
Mommy: Wala na...si..Tita Grace niyo.
We all gasped. And then fell silent for the next minutes. I was staring outside the window. I wasn't able to speak. I just can't. I don't want to think that she's..not breathing anymore. I can't even cry.
I guess I'm just devastated. I prayed for her. I know that she's happy now, because she's with God and her mom (my lola's sister). I prayed for her loved-ones as well. It's going to be tough for them, now that she's not around anymore.
I just wish that this didn't happen while I was away. I want to see her for the last time. I want to be there. But as it is, I can't.
*This was supposed to be posted last night, but because of certain circumstances, I wasn't able to. To whoever is reading this, I hope that you can include her and our family in your prayers. Thank you. *
Labels: FAMILY, HEARTBREAK, LOST, UNEXPECTED
Tuesday, May 19, 2009 5:35 PM
Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors, and doing new
things, because we're curious... and curiousity keeps leading us down new
paths.- Walt Disney, from the movie, Meet the Robinsons
I watched the movie last Sunday, because I was curious. Haha. I've been playing its PS2 video game for almost a month now and I love it, even though it's really giving me bad headaches. So, one day, when I wasn't doing anything, I thought of watching the movie. And, it actually made me cry, especially at the last part. The part where the title card with the quote above was shown. I never knew that an animated movie would hit me hard. I was actually expecting its message to be more family-related. Well, I guess it is. But, it touched me in every way.
It made me feel guilty. I don't know why. Maybe because I knew that it was meant for me?But, whatever it is, I'm sure this wasn't a coincidence. After all, everything happens with and for a reason.
Anyway, I actually forgot the reason why I am writing this. All I'm saying is, I guess I'm just tired of this, and I really can't find the reasons why I'm hanging on, so I guess I'm just going to let it go. Why prolong the agony? Besides, I don't want this to ruin my life. Again.
I just really hope that this will be the last time that I'll be dealing with this. Like what Walt Disney said, we don't look backwards for very long. I guess that the whole movie was my cue.
And that actually made me smile. It gave me a spark of hope that maybe it's okay after all, that I'd be okay. Happiness is a choice after all. :) How can I not be happy with my life right now? I have every reason to. For one, I'm with my family. I have friends who still show and make me feel that they care even if we're thousands of miles apart. And that's enough, for now. :)
Let it go.
Let it roll right off your shoulder.
Don't you know?
The hardest part is over.
Let it in,Let your clarity define you.
In the end, we will only just remember how it feels.
-Rob Thomas; Little Wonders
Yes, I will always remember how it feels. Nothing will change the way I remember it.
But, hopefully, it won't break me anymore. :)
Labels: FEELINGS, HAPPINESS, LOVE, SUMMER, UNEXPECTED
Friday, May 15, 2009 3:06 PM
Well said.
Thursday, May 14, 2009 12:26 PM
You know what's the problem with you?
You're selfish. You value your feelings too much.
You know that you can just let it go, at least for a while.
You didn't go all the way here to still mope about what happened.
Why can't you just give it up?
It was you who said that it's not worth fighting for anyway, why fight for it now?
I know that it's hard to forget, but you don't always have to remember. Let go.
05.14.2009 12:37am
I found this in the drafts folder of my phone. Yes, that was me talking to myself.
I had to do this. The pain on the faces of those around me whenever they see me cringe at random thoughts that remind me of her--or them, cut me more than my own.
And I just can't let it be that way.
Labels: FAMILY, FEELINGS, LOVE
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 2:17 PM
Lavender only means one thing, waiting.
Sunday, May 3, 2009 10:56 PM
That's how far apart we are.
It's been a week since I moved here, and so far, things are doing good. I think that explains my 2 week or so absence from my blog. The last two weeks of my stay in the Philippines was dedicated to my despedida party planning and bonding with my family and some of my friends. I was out almost everyday going to UST, St. Paul and Don Bosco to apply for documents needed for our transfer. If I'm not waiting in line at the registrar's office, you could find me in various dressing rooms looking for the perfect dress to wear to my party.
Whew. Those weeks were both hectic and memorable. I was only able to pack my things hours before our flight, after Bel and Es went home. I didn't get much sleep that week, but it was all worth it when I saw the faces of my friends and family after they have seen the surprises I have made for them. You see, I really don't know how I would say goodbye. But, I think the way things went, I was able to do so.
I'm gonna miss everyone. I am missing everyone. I never said that it would be easy. Believe me, I know. But, it doesn't mean that I am going back. Not yet.
Someonce told me to find my destiny, and I am going to find it, wherever it may be.
P.S As you can see, I'm not in the mood to blog. The heat is sucking my creativity. But, I would post something more sensible than this. Soon, I hope.
Labels: LIFE, STARTING OVER, SUMMER
Thursday, May 28, 2009 12:23 AM
What would you do, if someone you really love, passed away while you were halfway around the world?
One of my closest titas, passed away today. And up to now, I don't know the exact cause of her death. We were just told that she died because of a terrible sickness. I'm not sure, though I know that it has something to do with her heart. I knew that. Before we left for Abu Dhabi, I remember reading one of her text messages asking for financial help from our family because she was going to undergo surgery for her heart. And then, I remember reading another text message from my other tita(her sister) saying that the operation went well and they were really thankful for the money that we donated.
But now...she's gone. I wasn't even able to bond with her before I left the country. I wasn't able to visit the province before leaving because I was sick. I feel really bad because we're really close when we were young. She was in her teens while I was just learning to walk. She was with me all the time when I was young. She lived with us then.
I think the last time I saw her was also the last time I visited the province which was last year, last summer. I'm just really sad. She's still young. I think she's in her late twenties/early thirties. My mom broke the news while we were in the car, on the way to the grocery to buy food for their anniversary party tomorrow. I can remember the exact conversation:
Mommy: Dadaan pala tayo sa simbahan.
Me, Eunice and Edrick: Baket po?
Mommy: Kase magtitirik tayo ng... kandila.
Me: baket? * I was nervous, waiting for her next words. I knew that there was something wrong.*
Mommy: Wala na...si..Tita Grace niyo.
We all gasped. And then fell silent for the next minutes. I was staring outside the window. I wasn't able to speak. I just can't. I don't want to think that she's..not breathing anymore. I can't even cry.
I guess I'm just devastated. I prayed for her. I know that she's happy now, because she's with God and her mom (my lola's sister). I prayed for her loved-ones as well. It's going to be tough for them, now that she's not around anymore.
I just wish that this didn't happen while I was away. I want to see her for the last time. I want to be there. But as it is, I can't.
*This was supposed to be posted last night, but because of certain circumstances, I wasn't able to. To whoever is reading this, I hope that you can include her and our family in your prayers. Thank you. *
Labels: FAMILY, HEARTBREAK, LOST, UNEXPECTED
Tuesday, May 19, 2009 5:35 PM
Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors, and doing new
things, because we're curious... and curiousity keeps leading us down new
paths.- Walt Disney, from the movie, Meet the Robinsons
I watched the movie last Sunday, because I was curious. Haha. I've been playing its PS2 video game for almost a month now and I love it, even though it's really giving me bad headaches. So, one day, when I wasn't doing anything, I thought of watching the movie. And, it actually made me cry, especially at the last part. The part where the title card with the quote above was shown. I never knew that an animated movie would hit me hard. I was actually expecting its message to be more family-related. Well, I guess it is. But, it touched me in every way.
It made me feel guilty. I don't know why. Maybe because I knew that it was meant for me?But, whatever it is, I'm sure this wasn't a coincidence. After all, everything happens with and for a reason.
Anyway, I actually forgot the reason why I am writing this. All I'm saying is, I guess I'm just tired of this, and I really can't find the reasons why I'm hanging on, so I guess I'm just going to let it go. Why prolong the agony? Besides, I don't want this to ruin my life. Again.
I just really hope that this will be the last time that I'll be dealing with this. Like what Walt Disney said, we don't look backwards for very long. I guess that the whole movie was my cue.
And that actually made me smile. It gave me a spark of hope that maybe it's okay after all, that I'd be okay. Happiness is a choice after all. :) How can I not be happy with my life right now? I have every reason to. For one, I'm with my family. I have friends who still show and make me feel that they care even if we're thousands of miles apart. And that's enough, for now. :)
Let it go.
Let it roll right off your shoulder.
Don't you know?
The hardest part is over.
Let it in,Let your clarity define you.
In the end, we will only just remember how it feels.
-Rob Thomas; Little Wonders
Yes, I will always remember how it feels. Nothing will change the way I remember it.
But, hopefully, it won't break me anymore. :)
Labels: FEELINGS, HAPPINESS, LOVE, SUMMER, UNEXPECTED
Friday, May 15, 2009 3:06 PM
Well said.
Thursday, May 14, 2009 12:26 PM
You know what's the problem with you?
You're selfish. You value your feelings too much.
You know that you can just let it go, at least for a while.
You didn't go all the way here to still mope about what happened.
Why can't you just give it up?
It was you who said that it's not worth fighting for anyway, why fight for it now?
I know that it's hard to forget, but you don't always have to remember. Let go.
05.14.2009 12:37am
I found this in the drafts folder of my phone. Yes, that was me talking to myself.
I had to do this. The pain on the faces of those around me whenever they see me cringe at random thoughts that remind me of her--or them, cut me more than my own.
And I just can't let it be that way.
Labels: FAMILY, FEELINGS, LOVE
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 2:17 PM
Lavender only means one thing, waiting.
Sunday, May 3, 2009 10:56 PM
That's how far apart we are.
It's been a week since I moved here, and so far, things are doing good. I think that explains my 2 week or so absence from my blog. The last two weeks of my stay in the Philippines was dedicated to my despedida party planning and bonding with my family and some of my friends. I was out almost everyday going to UST, St. Paul and Don Bosco to apply for documents needed for our transfer. If I'm not waiting in line at the registrar's office, you could find me in various dressing rooms looking for the perfect dress to wear to my party.
Whew. Those weeks were both hectic and memorable. I was only able to pack my things hours before our flight, after Bel and Es went home. I didn't get much sleep that week, but it was all worth it when I saw the faces of my friends and family after they have seen the surprises I have made for them. You see, I really don't know how I would say goodbye. But, I think the way things went, I was able to do so.
I'm gonna miss everyone. I am missing everyone. I never said that it would be easy. Believe me, I know. But, it doesn't mean that I am going back. Not yet.
Someonce told me to find my destiny, and I am going to find it, wherever it may be.
P.S As you can see, I'm not in the mood to blog. The heat is sucking my creativity. But, I would post something more sensible than this. Soon, I hope.
Labels: LIFE, STARTING OVER, SUMMER
What would you do, if someone you really love, passed away while you were halfway around the world? 
Lavender only means one thing, waiting.
