I need inspiration.

I need something new.

Change of lifestyle, maybe?

I need something to keep me going. But not something that would keep me going just because I have to.

Life is boring right now. and that sucks. I usually am the person who finds inspiration in the littlest of things. Or I guess I was.

And I said that love itself was enough to keep me alive. Every kind of love but that. I know that it's not what I need right now. It's not yet the right time. Not that I'm scared of falling in love. It's just that there's really no one to begin with in the first place.

I haven't found that someone who would make my heart beat like it did before.

I'm just not looking right now. Period. My love life is currently non-existent. Only the Lord knows when it will be revived again.

And until then, I'm putting this heart to rest.

Song for the day: All the Love in the World- The Corrs

Labels: FEELINGS, LOST, LOVE

My brother, cousin and sister for /bench KIDS. :)

This is my favorite set. :)

There you go. I hope that we ace this project. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. ;)

Have you seen the video of 'Thinking of You' by Katy Perry? I know you have. :P Anyway, it's the first time that I ever cried because of a song that I can't really relate to. I cried because I felt Katy's pain while she was singing the song and doing the video. When Es introduced it to me last year, I didn't pay attention to the lyrics. Anyway, yeah, the lyrics really made me cry. Plus, the way Katy sang it in the video.

Btw, Es is gonna kill me for posting the shots from the shoot. Hopefully, she's not visiting my blog. :P

Anyways, I've got school tomorrow. But, I'm skipping class. Hai, what's new? :P We're going to do our last shoot, that's why. Time to hit the sack now. I'm really exhausted.

Goodnight love. :*

Oh, wait. Obviously, the title has nothing to do with the entry, except that, it's a line from 'Thinking of You'. It got me LSS-ed. ;)

Labels: ADVENTURES, FRIENDS, RANDOM

This is my favorite shot. I just love my expression here and the makeup too. ;)



Also one of my favorite shots. Her body expression is amazing. :)

Sadly, I am not yet done with editting. My PS sucks. :/ And I know that my editting sucks too, my laptop keeps on hanging while I was doing that. I hate it. :/ Anyway, we still had fun. :)

And, yeah, we finally finished that TDA plate. Hooray for us! :) And hooray for me, because I'm learning to be more spontaneous. :)

Labels: ADVENTURES, FRIENDS, HAPPINESS

Some people are asking me if I still believe in love despite everything that happened the past months. Well, yes, I still do. I still believe in its magic--how it can change people for the better or..worse. I still believe that it exists even for people like me--those who have loved and lost. I believe that there is love in everyone, even for those who don't deserve it.

I still believe in love, but in a different way. I used to define love by hugs, kisses, sweet gestures, flowers, chocolates and the like. Yes, they are love but not quite, because they are just ways of showing love, but aren't love itself. Love is such a big word for four letters, therefore, those things cannot really truly define what love is.

They say that for most people, love is defined when they are IN love with someone. I used to be one of those people. Don't get me wrong though. I love the feeling of being in love with someone and being loved back. And even up to now, I'm still in love with love.

But what really is love? Don't look at me. I'm still figuring that one out. ;) I can't exactly define it with words. But, I see it and I can feel it too, everyday. We all know that love exists in everything. But, it's not enough to just know it, you have to see and feel it. It exists in every relationship. It doesn't have to be mutual, but it would be better if it is.

I know that you know what I'm talking about. Of course, you're human. You should feel it, even if it's not with a special someone. If you're young, you have all the time in the world for that. If you're not, well, maybe you didn't notice and you let it pass, or maybe, if you're lucky, it's still out there looking for you, or maybe he/she is just outside your door. All you have to do is open it. ;)

Love exists even in the eyes of your enemy. It is present in the arms of your family, in the hands of your friends and in the heart of the one you love. -EU

It's ironic that we know it exists. We see it and we can feel it. We even know how to show it. We know when it's there and we know when it's gone. And yet, we can't define it. But, maybe it's supposed to be that way. It's the biggest mystery of life, just like God. We can't see Him but we know He's there. And just like love, we can't define Him. We also do things for Him without knowing who He really is.

If God is love, then there's no such thing as lost. Even if you lose the one you love, you'll find a way to get it back somehow, someday. It may not be the same person, but you will, eventually. You just have to open your eyes to reality. I believe that romantic love is just 25% of the love of your life. 25% is/should be from yourself, another 25 from your family and the remaining 25% is from your friends.

I'm not saying I'm right, though. It's just my perspective. My statistics may not be right, but I know that it applies to everyone. Those kinds of love will be experienced by all of us. It may not be all at the same time, but it will happen. A good friend of mine told me that true love happens when you can't ask for more. So, wait for it to happen, because it will and it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, love what you have more than what you don't. :)

As for me, I'm still waiting because I believe that it will come. I still believe in love, and I always will. And right now, even if I don't have someone who would give me the drive to go on everyday, and the inspiration and motivation to do what I have to do, I know that love itself is enough to help me make it through each day. And with the love from my family and friends, I know I can and I will be the person that I was meant to be. :)

Losing is not a bad thing either, because if you do, keep in mind that you lost because there are other, maybe even greater things out there to find you. Yes, love can break you, but it is also what can build you again. Just let it be. Love will find its way. It always do. :)

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

"Faced with the opportunity to escape, what does a man do?Does he suddenly change his mind at the end of the tunnel, turn back and walk towards the opposite way - back to a place where comfort and gloom are abound?

He thinks of all the luxuries and comforts that he has to leave behind: the money, security, the chance to be popular, the glamour and everything else that is tied up to his current situation.
10 years down the line, he may regret his decision of moving on, as his peers would have probably made it by then. They may be managers by that time, handling people and large amounts of money. And where would he be?

What lies ahead (uncertainty) definitely scares him. Is the escape really necessary? Would it truly alter his life for the better? Or is that route to freedom deceiving him, tempting him to do something that isn’t really meant for him? What if he ends up hating the place where the path leads to?

But he can't stay. The passion just isn’t there. The man wants to take hold of his fate."

I read this in a blog I found in Tabulas. It hit me. Really hit me. I feel the same way. It was like he was writing my own words, that's why I reposted. I just need you to understand. I'm talking to all of you.

Go figure. I'm not mad. I'm just..disappointed. Don't make me hate who I am right now, because I don't and maybe for some time, I won't. I'm listening to you. Why can't you just listen and see right through me?

I understand. You just care, I know you do. But I know myself better than you do. Just let me make my own mistakes, if you think that this is one. I never told you that your decisions were wrong because I respected the fact that you know yourself better than I do and you know what's good for you. And even if, sometimes it's not, I kept my mouth shut, didn't I? Yes, I reacted, but I never told you that you were doing something wrong. Somehow, I still supported you.

I'm just really sick of hearing you accuse me of things that I don't do, those things that you did when you were my age. You think you know me, but you still don't. Well then, prepare to be suprised.

I know that you're just looking out for me. But, please, just let me be. I'm not saying that I don't need your support and understanding. I need it. Why the hell am I writing this, right? This is really frustrating. I won't learn if you keep on telling me what to and not to do. I won't grow up if I won't take risks because you keep on telling me that these are mistakes.

I am different. Hell, you are too. Let me make my own decisions. Let me make my own mistakes. Let me live my life. Live your own. I'm not going to live my life the way you did.

And no matter what you say or do, I can and will never be you. I am what I choose to be. And I choose to be me. I choose to be different. And believe me, it's going to better than who you were.

Labels: FAMILY, FRIENDS, LIFE

You don’t have to worry about the time left of your stay here. Things don’t have to end with your departure. And you know what? IT’S OKAY. It’s perfectly okay for me to be friends. In fact, just awhile ago, I was thinking about how I used to go to your house and bond with your family…I MISS THAT. I’m not sure if I should say this because at one point, i know a part of you will hurt…but the truth is, i miss YOU. Even though things are different now, i would not deny that we had happy times together. Both as a couple and as friends.

-Honestly, I really don't know what to say. Days before I wrote that entry, I was asking myself if I was ready for us to be friends again. Or at least to start catching up again on each other's lives. Though, it really hadn't been long enough. Things just happened way too fast. At that time, I know that I wasn't THAT ready yet. Maybe I was just also WAITING for you to tell me that it's okay. Don't worry, your words didn't do me any harm. And yeah, I miss you too. Though you probably already know that.haha.

I don’t really let people go…
–unless they have given up on me and there’s nothing more I can do to change it. But I continue to care even just a little.

-Well, knowing me, you know that I don't really give up on people. I guess I really am not that type of person no matter how hard I try. And just so you know, even if I tell you and the whole world that I'm giving up on you, my actions would always show otherwise. So, what's the point, right? And why would I? No matter how much that hurt, You know I can never give up on you. Dont mid me asking, though, would you want me to give up on you?

To answer your question, I CARE ABOUT YOU. It has always been like that. But there was a time that you got consumed by your pain and anger that you failed or refused(???) to acknowledge that fact.
I care about you a lot.
No one could just throw away 2 years of friendship and love…even though that love and friendship has changed.

-I guess it's because I was so mad at that time, I failed to see or feel that you care about me. This one's on me. I'm sorry. Though, you know that you can't blame me for feeling that.
One month means something, what more pa ang two years, right? Sucks that it changed, that we've changed. But hey, it opened new doors for the both of us. You found your happiness, and I guess I found mine. No more room for regrets, it was worth it.

I know I seem uncaring. You told me once, “Wala ka na pakealam kase masaya ka na” or something like that. But then why do I get tense when I see you from afar? Why do I think about you, whether you’re already okay or not? Why do I read your blog? Why do I anticipate bumping into you in school?

-You do?haha.These made me wonder why. Not that I don't want you too, it's just really making me wonder why. because you care? I believe that. But, maybe you can elaborate next time. I really want to know why, you know. And maybe I'm not making sense anymore at this point.Basta, next time.haha.sorry.

Kahit na hindi tayo naguusap, kahit na hindi ako nakakapagpakita ng concern, I CARE. Part ka ng buhay ko eh.

-Hmm..Thank you. Honestly, I don't know what to say.haha.

I’m actually scared to see you. I’m scared because I might hurt you again just by seeing me. I’m scared that I might be so happy and contented in front of you and there you are, suffering silently. BUT I CHOOSE TO STAY AWAY or limit our contact because you asked for the time to heal. You asked for my absence and I understood and respect that.

-You don't have to be, Kaith. I wanted you to be happy and proud of it. I can never be hurt by something I want. I want you to somehow make me feel that I've done the right thing. Do you get what I mean? Anyway, I just don't want you to hide what you're feeling, whether you are happy or not, because I want to know. Ang daya mo nga eh.haha. You get to read my blog and know what's happening in my life, pero ako, un na nga lang ung way para makita ko kung kamusta ka, ipagkakait mo pa.haha. And keep in mind, I'm not that easy to break anymore.

Ikaw lang naman hinihintay ko eh…
…ung kailan ka ready na makipag-usap ulet na walang ilang.

-I guess by replying to your entry, alam mo na kung anong sagot ko dito.

I don’t want to be the first to make a step because things I do unconsciously may hurt you. I don’t want to make the first step because your family might resent me for bringing you more pain….

-No, they won't. Mom doesn't mind. Plus, they can't do anything about it, nangyari na eh. They just have to accept it.

You also told me, “gusto ko yung pag may kailangan ka o hinanap mo ko eh may effort”. I’m actually hesitant to ask for help because…I don’t want you to feel or think that I’m using you. I don’t want it to seem like i’m only asking for your help because I know you won’t refuse me if you can…or na kinausap lang kita kase may kailangan ako.

-Please naman.haha. I'm the one who offered na eh. Or I guess I'm the one who wants that. You know that I'll be leaving in a couple of months, please make this easier for me. I want to be there for my friends as much as I can. And you, being one of them, means that I got your back too. So, don't hesistate. I'm just waiting for you to ask. I'll try my best to help you with whatever.

That is why i’m waiting. Ayokong magkamali nanaman sa mga kilos ko.

-Had I known. Kung alam ko lang talaga, edi sana di na tayo naghintayan. Oh well, maybe it was destined to be this way. Anyway, I guess let's just make up for lost time? That is, if you are willing and if you want to. It's up to you now.

You don’t have to let people go…
…you can let go of the feeling. You can let go of the pain.

-Yeah. I know I can. It's just a matter of time. I wouldn't say that I have already let go of both. Ayokong mangyari na naman ung dati. All I'm saying is, I don't need to say it out loud to know that I have done it. Pag dumating ung panahon na di ko na tinatanong kung nakapag-move on na ba ako o hindi ay ang panahon na talagang nagawa ko na un. Pag di ko na siya iniisip, pag di ko narealize agad. In short, darating na lang bigla. I haven't moved on. I'm still moving on.

But, I guess that I'm ready enough to let you in my life again. Doing this is actually relieving. Thank you for doing this. :)

Labels: FEELINGS, FRIENDS, LIFE

I can't believe that this day had just started and yet, a lot of mishaps and mayhems have happened to me already. You want me to enumerate? Well, here goes:

1. MY TDA PLATE TO BE PASSED TOMORROW GOT BROKEN. :/ the possitive relief. and btw, that's the last thing that I have to do before i paint. :/ And, this is my second time to repeat it. :/ I so hate plaster. :/And did i say that i have to pass it tomoorow? :/

2. MY TWO FINGERS GOT CUT PRETTY BAD BECAUSE OF THAT TDA PLATE. Hence, they're in bandages now. the bulky ones. :/ how am i supposed to draw? :/ I''m actually typing using my other fingers. Both of my pointing fingers got cut. :/

3. I STILL HAVE TO FINISH MY SISTER'S PROJECT DUE TOMORROW. :/ gahd.


Need I say more? :/ :(

Labels: BAD DAY, RANT

Ugh.School is getting me down.AS USUAL. :/ it's making me sick. :/ I know that I should be doing my TDA plate right now. Yes, I am. I'm just waiting for the plaster to dry. Anyway, so not the point. :/

Okay. I need a massage.seriously. My back has been aching for a couple of days now. I want to sleep but I still have to do this and my sister's project for the exhibit. UGH. I hate itttt. I really want to rest.

I've been out the whole day. I went to UST just to buy plaster and other stuff for my TDA plate. And then went home to finish the mold. One hour later, I went to Tiendesitas to meet up with Cat, because we're going to St. Paul for the PAASCU Alumni Interview.

I don't want to go to school in the morning. :( But, I can't because I have to for a number of reasons. I have to pass my plate, or else I'm gonna fail. I have to be there because I have to be the one to borrow that opaque projector. And then, I have to attend the LOP meeting at 9am. Plus, If I don't attend class to tomorrow, I would be failing due to absences. :/ Shit.

Can't I survive one day?Just one more day? Since there will be no classes the whole week next week because it's the thesis week of the Seniors.

I badly need a break. Fuck. I wanna stop time. I wanna rest for a while. Shit. This is making me cry. I've never been THIS busy.

Labels: RANT

OH YES, I AM. :)

Quote for the day:

"I was supposed to take a U turn, but then, I realized that it was a dead end. So, I turned and moved forward." -EU

:)) Nearly had me again. Ooh, feelings can be deceiving. :))

Note to self: You don't have to, okay? Set your self free. :) Be the real EU. :D

Special thanks to ES. You saved my ass again. :P I miss you. :( Please kick GERMAN MEASLES' ASS now. we miss you like HELL. :(

Labels: HAPPINESS, LESSONS, RANDOM

It was raining.

It has been three months since it rained. No matter how cold the weather was the past three months, it was the first time it rained again. Funny thing was, it was the exact same day.

She smiled as she remembered. Memories of that day passed her by like towns on the highway. She smiled because she remembered. That was the rain she knows she would never forget, but won't always remember. It was cold. The coldest ever. Yet, she still chose to remember, to let it linger even for a while.

She was walking in the rain, with nothing to protect her. She was looking at the place she once called home. She was looking at those people passing her. She smiled as they all ran for cover. Some took out their umbrellas and gave shed to another. They were enjoying the rain, just like her.

And then she realized, she was alone. She used to be one of those lucky people who gets to share this kind of moment with someone. But at that moment, she had no one. No one was there to share her umbrella with her. She shoved that thought away, for she knew that it wouldn't do her any good.

She smiled again, because even though she had no one with her at that moment, she still feels lucky, because for once in her life, she was able to share those kinds of moments with someone. She continued on her journey, ignoring the people passing her by.

Suddenly, there were raindrops on her cheeks. She looked up. But those raindrops weren't coming from the sky. They were coming from her very eyes. She looked down again. She was afraid that someone might see her. See her like that. And that would ruin everything.

No, she's not pretending, nor faking what she really feels. It's just that she knows that she's stronger than she thinks. She is. She's stronger than the rain. She knows she'll get through it. She believes that she will. After all, there's always a sunshine after the rain. This, too, shall pass.

"This is just a part of it.", she told herself. And with that, her smile brightened up her face again.

That's my girl.

I wanted to tell her that. I have seen this girl struggle with the storm for so long. I wanted to save her. But, I know she can do this on her own. All I can do now is watch her from afar, and so I did.

I saw her look back. I saw sadness in her eyes, but she was still able to smile genuinely despite that. I saw hope hover for a moment. I saw her eyes look up, as if thanking Him for the rain, no matter how much it made her cold.

Her lips moved and said, "Thank God for the rain."

And smiled again as she finds her way home.

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

EURA YUSTE is a seventeen-year old girl who loves ART and MUSIC. She thinks that blogging si not just a theraphy, it's her way of life. She values her family and friends more than herself. She is currently living in one of the hottest places in the world. But, loves MANILA to bits. Writing and fashion are her ways of expression. She hopes that her passion for PHOTOGRAPHY and EVENTS MANAGEMENT will help her pay the bills someday. Wanna knowmore?

I need inspiration.

I need something new.

Change of lifestyle, maybe?

I need something to keep me going. But not something that would keep me going just because I have to.

Life is boring right now. and that sucks. I usually am the person who finds inspiration in the littlest of things. Or I guess I was.

And I said that love itself was enough to keep me alive. Every kind of love but that. I know that it's not what I need right now. It's not yet the right time. Not that I'm scared of falling in love. It's just that there's really no one to begin with in the first place.

I haven't found that someone who would make my heart beat like it did before.

I'm just not looking right now. Period. My love life is currently non-existent. Only the Lord knows when it will be revived again.

And until then, I'm putting this heart to rest.

Song for the day: All the Love in the World- The Corrs

Labels: FEELINGS, LOST, LOVE

My brother, cousin and sister for /bench KIDS. :)

This is my favorite set. :)

There you go. I hope that we ace this project. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. ;)

Have you seen the video of 'Thinking of You' by Katy Perry? I know you have. :P Anyway, it's the first time that I ever cried because of a song that I can't really relate to. I cried because I felt Katy's pain while she was singing the song and doing the video. When Es introduced it to me last year, I didn't pay attention to the lyrics. Anyway, yeah, the lyrics really made me cry. Plus, the way Katy sang it in the video.

Btw, Es is gonna kill me for posting the shots from the shoot. Hopefully, she's not visiting my blog. :P

Anyways, I've got school tomorrow. But, I'm skipping class. Hai, what's new? :P We're going to do our last shoot, that's why. Time to hit the sack now. I'm really exhausted.

Goodnight love. :*

Oh, wait. Obviously, the title has nothing to do with the entry, except that, it's a line from 'Thinking of You'. It got me LSS-ed. ;)

Labels: ADVENTURES, FRIENDS, RANDOM

This is my favorite shot. I just love my expression here and the makeup too. ;)



Also one of my favorite shots. Her body expression is amazing. :)

Sadly, I am not yet done with editting. My PS sucks. :/ And I know that my editting sucks too, my laptop keeps on hanging while I was doing that. I hate it. :/ Anyway, we still had fun. :)

And, yeah, we finally finished that TDA plate. Hooray for us! :) And hooray for me, because I'm learning to be more spontaneous. :)

Labels: ADVENTURES, FRIENDS, HAPPINESS

Some people are asking me if I still believe in love despite everything that happened the past months. Well, yes, I still do. I still believe in its magic--how it can change people for the better or..worse. I still believe that it exists even for people like me--those who have loved and lost. I believe that there is love in everyone, even for those who don't deserve it.

I still believe in love, but in a different way. I used to define love by hugs, kisses, sweet gestures, flowers, chocolates and the like. Yes, they are love but not quite, because they are just ways of showing love, but aren't love itself. Love is such a big word for four letters, therefore, those things cannot really truly define what love is.

They say that for most people, love is defined when they are IN love with someone. I used to be one of those people. Don't get me wrong though. I love the feeling of being in love with someone and being loved back. And even up to now, I'm still in love with love.

But what really is love? Don't look at me. I'm still figuring that one out. ;) I can't exactly define it with words. But, I see it and I can feel it too, everyday. We all know that love exists in everything. But, it's not enough to just know it, you have to see and feel it. It exists in every relationship. It doesn't have to be mutual, but it would be better if it is.

I know that you know what I'm talking about. Of course, you're human. You should feel it, even if it's not with a special someone. If you're young, you have all the time in the world for that. If you're not, well, maybe you didn't notice and you let it pass, or maybe, if you're lucky, it's still out there looking for you, or maybe he/she is just outside your door. All you have to do is open it. ;)

Love exists even in the eyes of your enemy. It is present in the arms of your family, in the hands of your friends and in the heart of the one you love. -EU

It's ironic that we know it exists. We see it and we can feel it. We even know how to show it. We know when it's there and we know when it's gone. And yet, we can't define it. But, maybe it's supposed to be that way. It's the biggest mystery of life, just like God. We can't see Him but we know He's there. And just like love, we can't define Him. We also do things for Him without knowing who He really is.

If God is love, then there's no such thing as lost. Even if you lose the one you love, you'll find a way to get it back somehow, someday. It may not be the same person, but you will, eventually. You just have to open your eyes to reality. I believe that romantic love is just 25% of the love of your life. 25% is/should be from yourself, another 25 from your family and the remaining 25% is from your friends.

I'm not saying I'm right, though. It's just my perspective. My statistics may not be right, but I know that it applies to everyone. Those kinds of love will be experienced by all of us. It may not be all at the same time, but it will happen. A good friend of mine told me that true love happens when you can't ask for more. So, wait for it to happen, because it will and it will be worth the wait. In the meantime, love what you have more than what you don't. :)

As for me, I'm still waiting because I believe that it will come. I still believe in love, and I always will. And right now, even if I don't have someone who would give me the drive to go on everyday, and the inspiration and motivation to do what I have to do, I know that love itself is enough to help me make it through each day. And with the love from my family and friends, I know I can and I will be the person that I was meant to be. :)

Losing is not a bad thing either, because if you do, keep in mind that you lost because there are other, maybe even greater things out there to find you. Yes, love can break you, but it is also what can build you again. Just let it be. Love will find its way. It always do. :)

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE

"Faced with the opportunity to escape, what does a man do?Does he suddenly change his mind at the end of the tunnel, turn back and walk towards the opposite way - back to a place where comfort and gloom are abound?

He thinks of all the luxuries and comforts that he has to leave behind: the money, security, the chance to be popular, the glamour and everything else that is tied up to his current situation.
10 years down the line, he may regret his decision of moving on, as his peers would have probably made it by then. They may be managers by that time, handling people and large amounts of money. And where would he be?

What lies ahead (uncertainty) definitely scares him. Is the escape really necessary? Would it truly alter his life for the better? Or is that route to freedom deceiving him, tempting him to do something that isn’t really meant for him? What if he ends up hating the place where the path leads to?

But he can't stay. The passion just isn’t there. The man wants to take hold of his fate."

I read this in a blog I found in Tabulas. It hit me. Really hit me. I feel the same way. It was like he was writing my own words, that's why I reposted. I just need you to understand. I'm talking to all of you.

Go figure. I'm not mad. I'm just..disappointed. Don't make me hate who I am right now, because I don't and maybe for some time, I won't. I'm listening to you. Why can't you just listen and see right through me?

I understand. You just care, I know you do. But I know myself better than you do. Just let me make my own mistakes, if you think that this is one. I never told you that your decisions were wrong because I respected the fact that you know yourself better than I do and you know what's good for you. And even if, sometimes it's not, I kept my mouth shut, didn't I? Yes, I reacted, but I never told you that you were doing something wrong. Somehow, I still supported you.

I'm just really sick of hearing you accuse me of things that I don't do, those things that you did when you were my age. You think you know me, but you still don't. Well then, prepare to be suprised.

I know that you're just looking out for me. But, please, just let me be. I'm not saying that I don't need your support and understanding. I need it. Why the hell am I writing this, right? This is really frustrating. I won't learn if you keep on telling me what to and not to do. I won't grow up if I won't take risks because you keep on telling me that these are mistakes.

I am different. Hell, you are too. Let me make my own decisions. Let me make my own mistakes. Let me live my life. Live your own. I'm not going to live my life the way you did.

And no matter what you say or do, I can and will never be you. I am what I choose to be. And I choose to be me. I choose to be different. And believe me, it's going to better than who you were.

Labels: FAMILY, FRIENDS, LIFE

You don’t have to worry about the time left of your stay here. Things don’t have to end with your departure. And you know what? IT’S OKAY. It’s perfectly okay for me to be friends. In fact, just awhile ago, I was thinking about how I used to go to your house and bond with your family…I MISS THAT. I’m not sure if I should say this because at one point, i know a part of you will hurt…but the truth is, i miss YOU. Even though things are different now, i would not deny that we had happy times together. Both as a couple and as friends.

-Honestly, I really don't know what to say. Days before I wrote that entry, I was asking myself if I was ready for us to be friends again. Or at least to start catching up again on each other's lives. Though, it really hadn't been long enough. Things just happened way too fast. At that time, I know that I wasn't THAT ready yet. Maybe I was just also WAITING for you to tell me that it's okay. Don't worry, your words didn't do me any harm. And yeah, I miss you too. Though you probably already know that.haha.

I don’t really let people go…
–unless they have given up on me and there’s nothing more I can do to change it. But I continue to care even just a little.

-Well, knowing me, you know that I don't really give up on people. I guess I really am not that type of person no matter how hard I try. And just so you know, even if I tell you and the whole world that I'm giving up on you, my actions would always show otherwise. So, what's the point, right? And why would I? No matter how much that hurt, You know I can never give up on you. Dont mid me asking, though, would you want me to give up on you?

To answer your question, I CARE ABOUT YOU. It has always been like that. But there was a time that you got consumed by your pain and anger that you failed or refused(???) to acknowledge that fact.
I care about you a lot.
No one could just throw away 2 years of friendship and love…even though that love and friendship has changed.

-I guess it's because I was so mad at that time, I failed to see or feel that you care about me. This one's on me. I'm sorry. Though, you know that you can't blame me for feeling that.
One month means something, what more pa ang two years, right? Sucks that it changed, that we've changed. But hey, it opened new doors for the both of us. You found your happiness, and I guess I found mine. No more room for regrets, it was worth it.

I know I seem uncaring. You told me once, “Wala ka na pakealam kase masaya ka na” or something like that. But then why do I get tense when I see you from afar? Why do I think about you, whether you’re already okay or not? Why do I read your blog? Why do I anticipate bumping into you in school?

-You do?haha.These made me wonder why. Not that I don't want you too, it's just really making me wonder why. because you care? I believe that. But, maybe you can elaborate next time. I really want to know why, you know. And maybe I'm not making sense anymore at this point.Basta, next time.haha.sorry.

Kahit na hindi tayo naguusap, kahit na hindi ako nakakapagpakita ng concern, I CARE. Part ka ng buhay ko eh.

-Hmm..Thank you. Honestly, I don't know what to say.haha.

I’m actually scared to see you. I’m scared because I might hurt you again just by seeing me. I’m scared that I might be so happy and contented in front of you and there you are, suffering silently. BUT I CHOOSE TO STAY AWAY or limit our contact because you asked for the time to heal. You asked for my absence and I understood and respect that.

-You don't have to be, Kaith. I wanted you to be happy and proud of it. I can never be hurt by something I want. I want you to somehow make me feel that I've done the right thing. Do you get what I mean? Anyway, I just don't want you to hide what you're feeling, whether you are happy or not, because I want to know. Ang daya mo nga eh.haha. You get to read my blog and know what's happening in my life, pero ako, un na nga lang ung way para makita ko kung kamusta ka, ipagkakait mo pa.haha. And keep in mind, I'm not that easy to break anymore.

Ikaw lang naman hinihintay ko eh…
…ung kailan ka ready na makipag-usap ulet na walang ilang.

-I guess by replying to your entry, alam mo na kung anong sagot ko dito.

I don’t want to be the first to make a step because things I do unconsciously may hurt you. I don’t want to make the first step because your family might resent me for bringing you more pain….

-No, they won't. Mom doesn't mind. Plus, they can't do anything about it, nangyari na eh. They just have to accept it.

You also told me, “gusto ko yung pag may kailangan ka o hinanap mo ko eh may effort”. I’m actually hesitant to ask for help because…I don’t want you to feel or think that I’m using you. I don’t want it to seem like i’m only asking for your help because I know you won’t refuse me if you can…or na kinausap lang kita kase may kailangan ako.

-Please naman.haha. I'm the one who offered na eh. Or I guess I'm the one who wants that. You know that I'll be leaving in a couple of months, please make this easier for me. I want to be there for my friends as much as I can. And you, being one of them, means that I got your back too. So, don't hesistate. I'm just waiting for you to ask. I'll try my best to help you with whatever.

That is why i’m waiting. Ayokong magkamali nanaman sa mga kilos ko.

-Had I known. Kung alam ko lang talaga, edi sana di na tayo naghintayan. Oh well, maybe it was destined to be this way. Anyway, I guess let's just make up for lost time? That is, if you are willing and if you want to. It's up to you now.

You don’t have to let people go…
…you can let go of the feeling. You can let go of the pain.

-Yeah. I know I can. It's just a matter of time. I wouldn't say that I have already let go of both. Ayokong mangyari na naman ung dati. All I'm saying is, I don't need to say it out loud to know that I have done it. Pag dumating ung panahon na di ko na tinatanong kung nakapag-move on na ba ako o hindi ay ang panahon na talagang nagawa ko na un. Pag di ko na siya iniisip, pag di ko narealize agad. In short, darating na lang bigla. I haven't moved on. I'm still moving on.

But, I guess that I'm ready enough to let you in my life again. Doing this is actually relieving. Thank you for doing this. :)

Labels: FEELINGS, FRIENDS, LIFE

I can't believe that this day had just started and yet, a lot of mishaps and mayhems have happened to me already. You want me to enumerate? Well, here goes:

1. MY TDA PLATE TO BE PASSED TOMORROW GOT BROKEN. :/ the possitive relief. and btw, that's the last thing that I have to do before i paint. :/ And, this is my second time to repeat it. :/ I so hate plaster. :/And did i say that i have to pass it tomoorow? :/

2. MY TWO FINGERS GOT CUT PRETTY BAD BECAUSE OF THAT TDA PLATE. Hence, they're in bandages now. the bulky ones. :/ how am i supposed to draw? :/ I''m actually typing using my other fingers. Both of my pointing fingers got cut. :/

3. I STILL HAVE TO FINISH MY SISTER'S PROJECT DUE TOMORROW. :/ gahd.


Need I say more? :/ :(

Labels: BAD DAY, RANT

Ugh.School is getting me down.AS USUAL. :/ it's making me sick. :/ I know that I should be doing my TDA plate right now. Yes, I am. I'm just waiting for the plaster to dry. Anyway, so not the point. :/

Okay. I need a massage.seriously. My back has been aching for a couple of days now. I want to sleep but I still have to do this and my sister's project for the exhibit. UGH. I hate itttt. I really want to rest.

I've been out the whole day. I went to UST just to buy plaster and other stuff for my TDA plate. And then went home to finish the mold. One hour later, I went to Tiendesitas to meet up with Cat, because we're going to St. Paul for the PAASCU Alumni Interview.

I don't want to go to school in the morning. :( But, I can't because I have to for a number of reasons. I have to pass my plate, or else I'm gonna fail. I have to be there because I have to be the one to borrow that opaque projector. And then, I have to attend the LOP meeting at 9am. Plus, If I don't attend class to tomorrow, I would be failing due to absences. :/ Shit.

Can't I survive one day?Just one more day? Since there will be no classes the whole week next week because it's the thesis week of the Seniors.

I badly need a break. Fuck. I wanna stop time. I wanna rest for a while. Shit. This is making me cry. I've never been THIS busy.

Labels: RANT

OH YES, I AM. :)

Quote for the day:

"I was supposed to take a U turn, but then, I realized that it was a dead end. So, I turned and moved forward." -EU

:)) Nearly had me again. Ooh, feelings can be deceiving. :))

Note to self: You don't have to, okay? Set your self free. :) Be the real EU. :D

Special thanks to ES. You saved my ass again. :P I miss you. :( Please kick GERMAN MEASLES' ASS now. we miss you like HELL. :(

Labels: HAPPINESS, LESSONS, RANDOM

It was raining.

It has been three months since it rained. No matter how cold the weather was the past three months, it was the first time it rained again. Funny thing was, it was the exact same day.

She smiled as she remembered. Memories of that day passed her by like towns on the highway. She smiled because she remembered. That was the rain she knows she would never forget, but won't always remember. It was cold. The coldest ever. Yet, she still chose to remember, to let it linger even for a while.

She was walking in the rain, with nothing to protect her. She was looking at the place she once called home. She was looking at those people passing her. She smiled as they all ran for cover. Some took out their umbrellas and gave shed to another. They were enjoying the rain, just like her.

And then she realized, she was alone. She used to be one of those lucky people who gets to share this kind of moment with someone. But at that moment, she had no one. No one was there to share her umbrella with her. She shoved that thought away, for she knew that it wouldn't do her any good.

She smiled again, because even though she had no one with her at that moment, she still feels lucky, because for once in her life, she was able to share those kinds of moments with someone. She continued on her journey, ignoring the people passing her by.

Suddenly, there were raindrops on her cheeks. She looked up. But those raindrops weren't coming from the sky. They were coming from her very eyes. She looked down again. She was afraid that someone might see her. See her like that. And that would ruin everything.

No, she's not pretending, nor faking what she really feels. It's just that she knows that she's stronger than she thinks. She is. She's stronger than the rain. She knows she'll get through it. She believes that she will. After all, there's always a sunshine after the rain. This, too, shall pass.

"This is just a part of it.", she told herself. And with that, her smile brightened up her face again.

That's my girl.

I wanted to tell her that. I have seen this girl struggle with the storm for so long. I wanted to save her. But, I know she can do this on her own. All I can do now is watch her from afar, and so I did.

I saw her look back. I saw sadness in her eyes, but she was still able to smile genuinely despite that. I saw hope hover for a moment. I saw her eyes look up, as if thanking Him for the rain, no matter how much it made her cold.

Her lips moved and said, "Thank God for the rain."

And smiled again as she finds her way home.

Labels: HAPPINESS, LIFE, LOVE