"How many moments in life can you point to and say, 'that's when it all changed.' "

-Brooke Davis; One Tree Hill


If you know me, really know me, you'll probably know that I am a One Tree Hill Series Addict. Well, if you don't, then now you know. :)

There are a lot of moments in my life when I say that I've changed. If you read my past posts you'll know what I mean. Anyway, everytime I acknowledge the change, I feel this certain kind of fulfillment or happiness or whatever you call it, but not the kind that lasts long. I still feel like there's still something there that I have to know, something that would finally give me THAT fulfillment.

I tried to let it all out. I thought that maybe there's still something about the past that I have to accept. Though that is still true and I'm on the process as of the moment, there's no need to rush. I kept on wanting something but I don't know what that something is, or who. I even considered the fact that maybe I really can't live without a partner. Being single is fabulous and it gives me that kind of happiness that no one else can, the kind that comes from within. But then, when I think about it, I like being alone from time to time. I don't have a problem with that. And it's something that I haven't done for a long time now, which only makes it more exciting. I'm into trying new things lately, that's why.

So, I just let things be before I get myself into something that I would regret. And then I had this feeling that I'm not satisfied with what I'm pursuing. That there's more to my life than that. And I got scared because I've been holding on to this dream since I was a kid, and it would be disappointing and heartbreaking to let go of it now that I'm here.

It's hard for me to let go of that, because I've spent the last 7 years of my life waiting for it to happen. And when it did, I didn't feel the same anymore. It didn't feel like I've been wanting it for the past years. And I guess that I pursued it because I wanted to be with that person. It was like I was reaching for my dreams for her. It's such a shame for it to happen, but it did.

And then I told myself that it's still important to me, that if I can't be good at it, I'd rather not destroy it. I was desperately trying to find my purpose in pursuing that dream. And even up to now, I know that I still want to pursue it. I'm just not strong enough to do that, not yet. Maybe I would still be able to but not in ways that I have imagined it. I want it to happen because it was meant to be, but that doesn't mean that I won't work hard for it. I've already worked hard, why stop now?

I never thought that it will come to this point, that I would have to let go of the place where I imagined it to happen. And just now, I realized that I never wanted to let go of that dream, just the place where I want it to happen.

That's why I'm leaving.

I realized that I have to find myself again with the people that loves me the most, my family. And I can't do it here because my parents aren't with me. So, I'm moving in with them. I realized that I don't really need someone to love me back, to appreciate me, to know my worth and love me for who I am. I just need my parents to finally, and truly see who I really am, and still love me for me. I've finally figured out that that's what I've been longing for all this time.

Sure, it's great to love and be loved by that person you love. It's one of the most wonderful things in the world that science can never define. But, nothing beats love from your family. Romantic love relationships can never fill the love you need from them. And maybe that's why I can never be complete, because even though I was in a relationship at that time, I still needed more because I don't feel that from my family.

I never really knew or feel how it's like to have a family. A real one. I grew up with my extended family. I live with them up to now. And I love them for taking care of us and taking over the responsiblity of our parents in their absence. But even though, they can never satisfy my need to have my parents by my side, especially when I was growing up.

As much as I understand why they had to leave, that part of me still remains empty. That's why I've decided that I will live with them again. It's time that we give ourselves time to be with each other. I, for myself, miss being a daughter. And I know that my mom and dad miss being parents too. Plus, I don't want my younger siblings to go through what I am going through right now without our parents.

I know that I am doing the right thing. And there's nothing you can do or say to make me change my decision. I just hope some people would understand that this is not about going to an international university or studying abroad. It's more than that. And please, stop thinking that I'm throwing my education or my life, for that matter, away. I just want to be with my parents. I want my family. It's not like I'm getting myself pregnant or something. If you only knew how much I've been wanting to do this for so long, but I didn't took my chance, because I haven't realized that this is what I need. Just let me be happy. Let US be happy.

"Sometimes we aren't even wishing for that thing we really need."
-Sulamina Mum; The Wedding Planner's Daughter

And I believe that. I wished for love. I wished for someone to be with me. I was afraid to be alone then. And all I ever wanted at that time was to have somebody that I could cry to every night, someone who would take my tears away. I wished for someone to love me for who I am and never question what I have become and who I was. What I didn't realize is, I'm wishing for something that I already have. And, I guess you could say that I'm lucky because I have two. I have my mom and dad. :)

Labels: LIFE, LOVE, STARTING OVER

EURA YUSTE is a seventeen-year old girl who loves ART and MUSIC. She thinks that blogging si not just a theraphy, it's her way of life. She values her family and friends more than herself. She is currently living in one of the hottest places in the world. But, loves MANILA to bits. Writing and fashion are her ways of expression. She hopes that her passion for PHOTOGRAPHY and EVENTS MANAGEMENT will help her pay the bills someday. Wanna knowmore?

"How many moments in life can you point to and say, 'that's when it all changed.' "

-Brooke Davis; One Tree Hill


If you know me, really know me, you'll probably know that I am a One Tree Hill Series Addict. Well, if you don't, then now you know. :)

There are a lot of moments in my life when I say that I've changed. If you read my past posts you'll know what I mean. Anyway, everytime I acknowledge the change, I feel this certain kind of fulfillment or happiness or whatever you call it, but not the kind that lasts long. I still feel like there's still something there that I have to know, something that would finally give me THAT fulfillment.

I tried to let it all out. I thought that maybe there's still something about the past that I have to accept. Though that is still true and I'm on the process as of the moment, there's no need to rush. I kept on wanting something but I don't know what that something is, or who. I even considered the fact that maybe I really can't live without a partner. Being single is fabulous and it gives me that kind of happiness that no one else can, the kind that comes from within. But then, when I think about it, I like being alone from time to time. I don't have a problem with that. And it's something that I haven't done for a long time now, which only makes it more exciting. I'm into trying new things lately, that's why.

So, I just let things be before I get myself into something that I would regret. And then I had this feeling that I'm not satisfied with what I'm pursuing. That there's more to my life than that. And I got scared because I've been holding on to this dream since I was a kid, and it would be disappointing and heartbreaking to let go of it now that I'm here.

It's hard for me to let go of that, because I've spent the last 7 years of my life waiting for it to happen. And when it did, I didn't feel the same anymore. It didn't feel like I've been wanting it for the past years. And I guess that I pursued it because I wanted to be with that person. It was like I was reaching for my dreams for her. It's such a shame for it to happen, but it did.

And then I told myself that it's still important to me, that if I can't be good at it, I'd rather not destroy it. I was desperately trying to find my purpose in pursuing that dream. And even up to now, I know that I still want to pursue it. I'm just not strong enough to do that, not yet. Maybe I would still be able to but not in ways that I have imagined it. I want it to happen because it was meant to be, but that doesn't mean that I won't work hard for it. I've already worked hard, why stop now?

I never thought that it will come to this point, that I would have to let go of the place where I imagined it to happen. And just now, I realized that I never wanted to let go of that dream, just the place where I want it to happen.

That's why I'm leaving.

I realized that I have to find myself again with the people that loves me the most, my family. And I can't do it here because my parents aren't with me. So, I'm moving in with them. I realized that I don't really need someone to love me back, to appreciate me, to know my worth and love me for who I am. I just need my parents to finally, and truly see who I really am, and still love me for me. I've finally figured out that that's what I've been longing for all this time.

Sure, it's great to love and be loved by that person you love. It's one of the most wonderful things in the world that science can never define. But, nothing beats love from your family. Romantic love relationships can never fill the love you need from them. And maybe that's why I can never be complete, because even though I was in a relationship at that time, I still needed more because I don't feel that from my family.

I never really knew or feel how it's like to have a family. A real one. I grew up with my extended family. I live with them up to now. And I love them for taking care of us and taking over the responsiblity of our parents in their absence. But even though, they can never satisfy my need to have my parents by my side, especially when I was growing up.

As much as I understand why they had to leave, that part of me still remains empty. That's why I've decided that I will live with them again. It's time that we give ourselves time to be with each other. I, for myself, miss being a daughter. And I know that my mom and dad miss being parents too. Plus, I don't want my younger siblings to go through what I am going through right now without our parents.

I know that I am doing the right thing. And there's nothing you can do or say to make me change my decision. I just hope some people would understand that this is not about going to an international university or studying abroad. It's more than that. And please, stop thinking that I'm throwing my education or my life, for that matter, away. I just want to be with my parents. I want my family. It's not like I'm getting myself pregnant or something. If you only knew how much I've been wanting to do this for so long, but I didn't took my chance, because I haven't realized that this is what I need. Just let me be happy. Let US be happy.

"Sometimes we aren't even wishing for that thing we really need."
-Sulamina Mum; The Wedding Planner's Daughter

And I believe that. I wished for love. I wished for someone to be with me. I was afraid to be alone then. And all I ever wanted at that time was to have somebody that I could cry to every night, someone who would take my tears away. I wished for someone to love me for who I am and never question what I have become and who I was. What I didn't realize is, I'm wishing for something that I already have. And, I guess you could say that I'm lucky because I have two. I have my mom and dad. :)

Labels: LIFE, LOVE, STARTING OVER